Its 21, a year ago..


I remember last year.. What situation i’ve been trough, what kind of feeling, what words i’m thingking, andeverything. i still clear enough to remember every small part of memories in my brain..
Clearly enough to feel the same pain.. Just like between dream and reality.. My body shaken but i try my hardest to be strong.. I was pretending without complaining because you told me its okay while im gone..

You gave me alot of lesson. Rarely to be found on earth we living.. Poked me to make me realize world doesnt spinning without it purpose.. You are on mission.. Taught me how to be a good human being.. I take part of that mission even i knew someday you must be leave me when the mission its done.. I never realize it came so fast.. I thought we were leaving together around age 70s or 50s.

It became my deep thought when it happen to me nearly around age of 27.. I’m on denial? of course who can stand with it if something bad happens to someone they loved.. It already happened to me once. But i was never expected to me again so fast.

Hon.. You predict alot for human, For their best, life, work, and i knew you also predicted and done a good thing for me.. Even none of words you’ve told. But i already got your message by your act.. A months before you leave me.. And when your times come.. You praised me to much.. You adore me alot.. You proud everything about me too much.. And this what happens..

Ive got your message..
Even the first day im letting you go.. i knew what you’re meant, back then im just human being.. can felt the same way with my imperfection.

Second days im sleeping and wishing it just a nightmare just like other human being

third day i keep going for living, pretending i’m okay..

forth day i keep praying and keep wishing met you on my dream at night. And on and on..

fifth day onwards.. and then i keep going looking back our beautiful happiness memories and i’m grateful you’re part of my life.. the best gift i ever had

I already got your message but i wont open that message because you knew i would accept whatever it wrote on that.. You knew i was strong enough to handle it, you knew that i already prepared for every life i would face..

You’re so mean to me honey..
A year past. Alot of things happened. What ive done? Ive done nothing. I don’t set a priority for future. of course i have a dream, our dream but i just let my life flow like a fountain..
I just live.. Earn for living.. A lot for having fun.. Positive vibes, some negative of course, Work hard for learning and wish for success, meeting new people, building new relationship, maintenance my nervous syndrome, a lot of talking, eat alot.. And I wont leave my passion because of you.. I will comeback but when the times come i must ready to do it..

I wont make u as a bad memories. You are the best memory i have so far. Second best memories after my dad giving me a life.. Happy, sad, hurt, lovely, sexier, beauty, talented, humble, naughty, cheerful woman.. You make me completely adventurous women ever..

I wouldn’t regret.. Like you said dont regret
Thanks for father who giving me chance to made decision and choose you.. And he knew that you’d be the best lesson and best experience. Mom always knew that im strong like she did..
And you are the best friend, boyfriend, husband and life i ever had..

Wishing you luck on the next life you’ve believe.. and wishing we can met again honey.

Your mission has accomplished..
Please always remind happy, humble, philosopher, hard worker, caretaker, lover, and every best thing for you..
Envy my dad.. He should be there with you hehehe..
My dear husband..
Thanks for everything..
Love you my thirteen

4 thoughts on “Its 21, a year ago..

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